AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY WAYS
Year: 1987 [91 mins]
Director: Stephen MacLEAN
Around the World in 80 Ways, made in 1988 in Australia, has to be Quast's most hilarious credit. It just goes to show the many faces of Quast, and the many extremely different characters he is able to perform.
(Source: The Philip Quast Sanctuary)
With this ugly situation at hand, Wally decides that his only option is to drive back to Sydney in hopes of catching his mum before she left. He could use whatever money she had saved up for the tour to pay off his mortgage on the banana.
However, life isn't exactly perfect back home. Mavis's much-older husband Roly (Alan Penney) is suffering from a severe case of galloping senility, brought on by the loss of his car yard to next-door neighbor Alec Moffat (Rob Steele). Moffat had invested in Davis Motors, and Roly had given him a partnership. However, "Honest Alec" was exactly as honest as he seemed to be. After earning a partnership, he did some 'creative accounting '-- turning Davis Motors into Moffat Motors. Mavis refused to be bitter, but the incident affected the already-aging Roly. He lost the use of his legs, eyesight, and most of his other senses. Ironically, the only thing that Mr. Moffat lost was Mrs. Moffat. Mavis's only other neighbor is Midge Tulley, a parking officer as well as a nosy gossip.
Eddy(Kelly Dingwall), Wally's younger brother, is 18 and still hopelessly unemployed. Eddy is not exactly smart, but he did turn his bedroom into a sound studio and could tape or duplicate any place or event, whether it be the beach, a busy gambling room, a church, a hotel, etc.
Moffat, being a bachelor after his wife died, now spends his time chasing after Mavis. Mavis tolerated Moffat, simply because he was there. She certainly didn't encourage him... her dislike for Alec is evident.
That day Mavis packed up her bags, left her pet birds with Midge (Jane Markey), and hailed a cab to take her to the airport. Getting Roly into the car peacefully was just one of the problems that she encounters. Not to mention helping him out of his wheelchair and into the backset, Moffat, who happens to be weeding the lawn, and Roly bicker the until the taxi pulls out of the driveway. Roly insists that Moffat stole his car yard, is a "fat tub of lard", and wears a rug on his head because his hair was receding. Mavis attempts at softening the blows and stopping the quarrel, but doesn't succeed. This last remark infuriates Moffat: "I have never lost a hair in my life. Never!" At this, the taxi drives off: leaving Roly wheezing out the car window: "You theiving, stinking, wig-wearing mongrel!"
Before arriving at the airport, the taxi stops at Murray Proctor's (John Howard) Twilight Home for the elderly. Mavis is reluctant at leaving Roly in the dismal nursing home, but knows that Eddie is too absent-minded to take care of Roly himself. While enrolling Roly in the Twilight Home, Eddie sees one of the nurses, Nurse Ophelia Cox (Gosia Dobrovoloska), and immediately falls in love with her. However, Ophelia (a pretty blonde from Poland) is engaged to be married to the Twilight Home's owner, Murray Proctor. Mavis explains to Dr. Proctor that Roly was a debonaire when she first met him--he didn't seem that much older. She discovered later as Roly began to age that it would have been wiser to marry someone inside her own age group. The taxi returns and Mavis and Eddie depart for the airport, Eddie a little disappointed at parting with Ophelia, leaving Roly in the Twilight Home.
Mavis prepares for her flight, and is introduced to her tour leader: Lottie Boil (Judith Fisher). The two don't exactly "hit it off" well. Just before boarding the plane, Wally dashes into the airport, decked out in his full banana outfit: banana hat, banana duffle bag, etc. Mavis is delighted as seeing him before she left. Wally asks hopefully if there is any money left in the bank after his mum withdrew the money for her tour. Mavis tells him that she had to withdraw everything. Disappointed, but putting on a smile for his mum, he gives her his banana hat and bids her goodbye to go on the tour.
Lottie tears Mavis away to board the plane. She states that the tour was made of mostly couples, so she has seated Mavis next to the only other single. Mavis introduces herself to the man, who has his back to her. When he turns around, she recognizes, with an unpleasant shock, that it is none other than Alec Moffat who she will have to spend the tour with. Wally and Eddy, watching, realize it, too. On the plane, Moffat explains to Mavis that he wanted to surprise her. Mavis, however, is still annoyed. The plane has a successful lift off and Mavis and Moffat are on their way to Honolulu, Hawaii.
Back in Sydney, Eddie goes to visit his dad with hopes of seeing Nurse Cox. Wally waits outside, insisting that Roly won't be too happy to see him. Roly and Wally aren't exactly on good terms.
Eddie talks with Nurse Cox about Roly's condition before visiting his dad. Eddie tells her that Roly started boring himself to death. With a sigh, Nurse Cox replies: "They are dying of pills and boredom. It breaks my heart. You know, I'm going on a holiday soon. I'm going to find some poor patient outside and field test my own therapies. Proof to Dr. Proctor it's better than this." She says that her therapies will be simple: just getting them living again. Dr. Proctor sternly breaks up their little chat by calling for Ophelia to help him cast staff overheads. Eddie, before going to his father's room, tells Ophelia that he'll see her tomorrow: he's going to be visiting Roly a lot.
Later, in Roly's room, Nurse Cox is giving him some oxygen to freshen him up and reading his mail for him. She finds a postcard addressed to him, evidently from Mavis. She has already started reading before Eddie realizes that the postcard is from Moffat and that Roly will freak if he finds out that Mavis and Moffat are on the tour together. He signals for Ophelia to stop reading but she doesn't see him. When Roly learns that Moffat and Mavis are on the tour together, he does get very upset: "Alec Moffat?!?! Alec Moffat with my Mavis in the Land of the Gushing Geyser?!?!" Immediately hopping out of bed, he hobbles over and attempts to start packing his suitcase. Eddie and Nurse Cox try to calm him down, but don't succeed. Roly insists that Moffat stole his business and now he's trying to steal his wife. He maintains that he's going to Hawaii to rescue Mavis. Dr. Proctor laughs at this: "Hawaii? You couldn't make it past the T.V. lounge by yourself! Mr. Davis, you require constant proffessional surveillance from a nurse!" Roly insists that Eddie will take him, and that Nurse Cox can come along. At this Ophelia brightens: it's a chance to test her therapies. Eddie still tells Roly that it can't happen--they don't have the money. Roly solves that problem by announcing that he has this 'little account'--a stash of money he's stored up for a long time.
When Wally learns of this, he comes up with a bright idea of his own...
Wally and Eddie go to get the the money withdrawn from the account, but learn (to Eddy's dismay) that the soonest it could be withdrawn would be in four weeks. They couldn't use the money for the trip with Roly and Ophelia. Seeing that Wally will need the money to pay off his banana mortgage, he comes up with a plan. They will take Roly to Hawaii--only they will do it their way...
Wally reminds Eddie of the time Roly insisted on going to see a cricket game. They took him to the park, Wally bounced a ball, and Eddie played a tape of crowd noises, and he fell for it! Roly is so blind and incapacitated that they could successfully pull off the Hawaii atmosphere in Sydney. All they'll need to do is break into Moffatt's house, change the furnishings a bit to make it look like a Hilton Hotel, fix up the pool with tropical flowers and whatnot, get Roly out of the Twilight Home without Dr. Proctor or Ophelia suspecting, keep the neighbors from noticing that something is strange...
And so their crazy journey begins....
(Courtesy of The Philip Quast Sanctuary)
Last modified: 7-Mar-2013